How do you measure your worthiness? This afternoon during meditation, I listen to an audio titled “You are Worthy”. This meditation constantly reminded me that I am worthy in God’s eyes. However, I couldn’t help but think of how many times I depended on and strived for personal and professional achievements to feel worthy.
I had to stop working on Dec. 25, 2019. It was the first time since I moved to this country that I haven’t been able to work. So here I was. The PhD, the former Lead Coordinator of a successful grant, without the possibility of working and only God knows still for how long.
I cannot tell you how many nights I spent without sleep asking God why this was happening and why at this time. COVID-19 made things worse by staying home 24/7 since March, to avoid getting the virus. Well, I thought it was going to be great to have free time, that it was going to be the vacation I deserved, waking up late in the morning, no pressure, just doing whatever I wanted.
However, depression and anxiety kicked after a month because of all the free time. I felt that I didn’t have a purpose to wake up or even get out of bed. All I wanted was to sleep and let time pass. I wondered what could I do, but unfortunately, nothing came to mind. Let me tell you something friends, if I reorganize my house one more time, it will be exactly the way it was in March. The struggle was real people. My faith was being tested. I was feeling worthless.
After several days in prayer, my mind started to clear. I decided to take advantage of the free time to spend it in prayer and meditation. Twenty minutes a day turned into an hour and an hour into two. I also went to adoration every week, which is something I was never able to do because I was “extremely busy”.
God showed me that as His child, I am deeply loved. That, there’s much more to life than personal and professional achievements. There’s so much to be done outside my narrow and self-centered world! So today, I am grateful for the opportunities that God presented in the past months as a volunteer in local non-profits, such as the St. Vincent De Paul Society. Today, I have a new-found perspective and a purpose in life. It is in service work that I was able to find my real worth.
I thank and praise God for these past months because I learned important lessons, I will never forget. First, I am worthy in my Father’s eyes and in my eyes too. Second, I learned I have many things I can contribute to this world and that I can offer to those who are most in need of help. Third, I learned there is no PhD or job that can teach or show you what’s your real worth. And finally, that we should always make spirituality a priority so when challenging times come, we are spiritually ready to face them.
I am so grateful for the peace, serenity, and joy that all the hours and days in prayer have brought to my life. Never forget, you are worthy and loved!
Peace, Love & Service
Laura W
Hope you enjoy this song from Francesca Battistelli as much as I do.
Thank you dear Nancy for sharing this with me. I'm glad you enjoy it! Love you.
This part "God showed me that as His child, I am deeply loved. That, there’s much more to life than personal and professional achievements" definitely spoke to me, I have struggled with my identity as well for a while. Jesus was my answer, He is the only answer for me. Earthly materials and possessions can take control of a persons life if they are not careful, I had to re-evaluate my life after watching this documentary on Netflix called "The Minimalist" it really showed me that happiness is not found in owning possessions and material things, since then I have let go of so many clutter I had at home, so many things that were not valuable or needed but…